it takes a hell of a lot more muscle to stay than to go
by MissingMommy
Summary: Barty, Cedric, and finding out that the sky does fall on even the gentlest souls. :: BartyCedric, AU. For Paula.


For my dearest Paula. I know this isn't a pairing you requested but as I was talking with Ellaone, this came to mind and I knew you would love it.

Warnings: cross-gen, AUness, implied suicide.

Word count: 1,415

_how many wars will it take us to learn  
that only the dead return  
the rest remain forever caught between worlds of  
shrapnel shatters body of three year old girl  
to  
welcome to McDonalds can I take your order?_

For Eli; Andrea Gibson

Cedric feels the unfamiliar pull of the Cup as he holds on to it for dear life, while clutching an unconscious Harry in his other arm. The spinning finally ceases and Cedric falls unceremoniously against the ground, tumbling under the weight of the body. He hears whispers and feels hands on his shoulder, but he shoves them away.

"You need medical attention," a voice tells him. And it's true. He feels weak from blood loss and his leg has become too numb to stand on. However, he waves them away, pointing towards Harry instead.

"Help him," he urges, his voice raw from screaming. When they protest, he repeats himself in a low tone. "I said, _help_ _him_."

This time, there is no argument as the people surrounding him move toward Harry. Cedric stands shakily, resisting the pain in his leg. Before he can move, arms wrap around him, knocking the breath out of his chest. He groans. "I'm so proud of you," someone whispers in his ear. And immediately he knows who it is; his father.

Cedric looks down at his hands, avoiding his father's gaze as he moves back to see a smile across Cedric's face. He's disappointed when his son doesn't even look at him. "What's wrong, son?" he asks, but Cedric gives no answer.

Because how can Cedric explain what went on in the graveyard? How can he tell his father about the blood that is now staining his pure hands? How can his father look at him with pride shining in his eyes – pride that Cedric has never seen before – if he knew what Cedric had done at that graveyard?

Instead of answering, Cedric scans the crowd. In a corner far enough away, Cedric sees Professor Moody standing there, watching the scene. As Cedric meets his eyes, he has a feeling that there is more beneath the skin. There's a nagging in his head as Cedric rushes through his own memories. Every memory that has included him going to get help from the teacher feels awkward, even in his own head.

Before his father leads him away, he swears he sees his Professor lick his lips.

.

The school year is drawing to an end. Cedric spends time in the Hospital Wing with Madam Pomfrey attending to his wounds. When he is released, Cedric makes his way through the halls, heading for the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom.

He doesn't bother knocking as he enters the private office behind the classroom. Alastor Moody stands in front of Cedric, but Cedric has a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach. However, he ignores his body's fear.

"What can I do for you today, Mr. Diggory?" the Professor asks in his gravelly tone. But there's something in the way that he says it that has Cedric worried. With a flick of his wand, the door behind Cedric shuts.

Cedric stands his ground. "You've been tampering with my memories," he accuses.

The Professor's head hangs as fingers dig into the wood of the table and a groan escapes his lips. His head snaps up, meeting Cedric's eyes. He laughs bitterly. "I'm getting better at the charm I see," he says, but his voice is no longer rough. It's smooth and gentle, and for half a second, Cedric thinks that it might just be angelic.

Then another groan escapes the Professor's lips, and Cedric is reminded that there are no such things as angels. "Who are you?" Cedric demands. He pulls out his wand to defend himself, but he finds it flying out of his hand.

Cedric watches as the magical eye that his Professor wears hits the table with a soft thud. He watches as his Professor changes into a different man. "Who are you?" Cedric asks again, backing up slowly. The man laughs again, and snaps his head up. As beautiful brown eyes that are so haunted meet his own, recognition flashes in Cedric's mind. "Barty," he whispers softly.

His memories flood his mind as if a dam just opened. Before Barty can say anything, Cedric's lips find his way to the other man's. He feels Barty twist his fingers through his hair, but it's nothing like before. There is no unspoken promise of love. Cedric isn't trying to fix Barty anymore. Because he now knows that a broken soul can't be fix, can't be mended, and he isn't going to try.

.

Cedric pants harshly, dodging another spell. He glances to his right where Harry is currently at, held in place by stone spears. In front of him stands Voldemort, his red eyes glimmer with pleasure as he shoots off another spell.

Dodging again, he knows that he needs to get the upper hand in this situation or neither of them are going to make it home alive. Voldemort turns his back to Cedric. "I have more important matters to deal with," he says, waving his hand noncommittally. Cedric takes the opportunity at hand and shoots the only spell that might get them out of there alive – _"Avada Kedavra." _

He rolls to the side, moving towards Harry. As he grabs Harry's hand, he summons the cup. Before he feels the familiar sensation of the Portkey, he sees one of the Death Eaters lying motionless on the ground.

Cedric wakes up, panting roughly. He feels arms wrap around his waist, cooling his overheated skin. He turns to see Barty's brown eyes looking at him curiously. Standing up, Cedric mutters a quick, "I have to go," before leaving the bedroom.

(He doesn't hear Barty whisper, _"Oblivate,"_ as he leaves).

.

Cedric returns to Barty's chambers the next night, seeking some kind of validation for his survival. But he never finds it. Instead, Barty chases away the taste of regret in Cedric's mouth and holds his blood-stained hands.

It helps remind Cedric that his life didn't end in that graveyard.

.

It's a week later when as Cedric has his hand tangled in Barty's sandy locks, he stops suddenly. His vision is overcome with red and pulls his fingers away from his hair. He digs his palms into his eyes, trying to dig out the memory of the Death Eater lying on the ground from his eyes; but he can't. It's so deeply embedded there, and Cedric has no idea how to remove it.

"It doesn't go away," Barty whispers against Cedric's shoulder. "There's nothing in this world that will wash away those memories."

Cedric tenses his motions and removes his hands from his eyes. He meets Barty's gaze. "How do you know?" he asks softly.

In a tone so gentle, Barty replies, "I've tried."

Cedric doesn't have to ask what Barty means, because he's sure he knows. He turns his back to Barty. "I just want to forget," he murmurs. "Because the memories are painful."

All he gets in return in, "I know," and somehow, Cedric knows he does.

.

The school year ends, and Cedric seeks out his Professor one last time. The door slams against the wall as he throws it open. He's angry. The memories won't leave him alone today; they are drowning him and he can't do a thing about it.

Barty looks up from the table; a crease above his brow is Barty's only outward sign of worry. Before Barty can say anything to the teen, Cedric shuts the door, and slumps against it. He looks up at Barty with dull eyes. "I can't do this anymore."

For once, Barty isn't sure what Cedric is referring to.

He watches Cedric from his table, watches how his shoulder sag under the weight of his guilt, watches as his eyes dance with regret. And Barty knows that Cedric does not handle killing well. Cedric curls further into himself. "I can't do this," he whispers again. "Any of this."

He watches as Cedric drowns in the memories, in the despair, knowing there is nothing he can do about it. He takes a seat next to Cedric. "I know," he murmurs softly against Cedric's dark hair. "I know."

After a while of sitting there in silence, Cedric thanks him and leaves. His eyes are still haunted and the memories are still drowning him, but there's nothing anyone can do for him anymore. He's too broken to be saved. And Barty knows by the unidentifiable look in Cedric eyes that he's toeing a line that is about to be crossed.

.

Cedric doesn't come back, and Barty didn't really expect him to.

**A/n – so many thanks to Kelly for her beautiful beta-ing work and the title suggestion.**


End file.
